The Beauty and Danger of Relationships

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n today’s Gospel, something very striking happens. The mother of Jesus and his relatives arrive at the house. They stand outside and send word to him. From a human point of view, this is a very ordinary and understandable moment. Of course his family wants to see him. Of course they expect some kind of priority.

But Jesus responds in a way that surprises us. He asks, “Who are my mother and my brothers?” And then, looking around at those seated in the circle, he says: “Here are my mother and my brothers. For whoever does the will of God is my brother and sister and mother.”

This is not a rejection of Mary. This is not a downgrading of family. Rather, Jesus is expanding the meaning of family. He is revealing that the deepest bond with him is not only biological. The deepest bond is obedience to the will of God. Discipleship creates a new kind of kinship. In Christ, belonging is not first about blood—it is about doing God’s will.

Second point: How did Jesus truly love his mother and the rest of his family members? St Maximilian Kolbe once said, “Never be afraid of loving Mary too much. You can never love her more than Jesus did.” That is a beautiful and profound truth. No question that Jesus loves his mother perfectly. But I believe there is something deeper in Jesus’s way than the usual way sons and daughters love their parents. And here is where Mary becomes even more luminous.

In the Gospel of John, Jesus and Mary are at a wedding, and when the wine begins to run out, Mary is alarmed. She tells Jesus that they are out of wine. At her request, Jesus acts. Did Jesus act because it was his mother who requested? If the request came from another person who was not related to Jesus, would Jesus not have done the miracle at Cana?

But Jesus responds in a way that surprises us yet again. He says, “Woman, what have I to do with you? My hour has not yet come” (Jn 2:4). Mary, however, does not seem to be offended. And rightly so. Mary does not think that, being the mother, she has a right over her son, that she is entitled to the miraculous powers of her son. Far from it.

If Mary did not hold on to privileged ties of family, what was it that she held on to? Mary simply held on to her genuine concern for the bride and the bridegroom who were faced with a very pressing need. This show of great compassion in Mary was so powerful that even Jesus was moved in compassion to respond to the need. The beginning of the mission of Jesus, then, is borne out of the here and now of basic and pastoral needs of people around him. I would like to believe that the miracle at Cana was a shared one, with the help of Mary through her keen sense of the needs of others—contemplating them in her heart.

Third and final point about the beauty and the danger of relationships: When Jesus says in today's gospel, “Whoever does the will of God is my brother and sister and mother,” Jesus is not downgrading family ties. When he addresses Mary as “woman,” rather than mother, he is not downgrading parenthood, but he elevates it. For Jesus, genuine relationships are not static but dynamic. That is both the beauty and danger of relationships. The more that you think you have it, the more that you ought to share it and allow others to come into the circle of relationship. Those who don’t relate or those who exclude and isolate others have either never truly understood and accepted the gospel truth that we are just one under God who is our Father in heaven. Mary deeply understood it the moment she said yes to the angel to become the mother of all. No wonder Mary, in fact, is considered first among those called disciples, a view shared by recent scholars and consistent with Mary’s being honored by her son truly as both family and follower. Amen. Fr JM Manzano SJ