From Conflict To Communion And From Settlement To Shalom

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ope Francis once told the Eucharistic Youth Movement: “What would a society, a family, a group of friends be like without tension and conflict? Do you know what it would be? A cemetery—because it is only in dead things that there are no tensions and no conflicts.”

It is an amusing image, but there is truth in it. Wherever there are living relationships, there will be differences. The question is not whether we will experience conflict, but what we do with it.

Today’s readings offer us three insights.

First, conflict can become a path to communion. Jesus says, “If your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault between you and him alone.”

Notice what Jesus does not say. He does not say: complain about him to someone else or avoid him until he realizes what he has done. Jesus simply says: Go to him.

Then comes a beautiful line: “If he listens to you, you have won over your brother.” Jesus does not say, “You have won the argument.” He says, “You have won over your brother.”

That changes the purpose of conflict. The goal is not victory but relationship. We speak because the relationship matters enough to save. Perhaps a healthy community is not one without disagreements, but one that has learned how to disagree without losing one another.

Second, conflict needs discerning love. St Paul gives us the principle: “Owe nothing to anyone, except to love one another.”

The Christian tradition has a beautiful expression, discreta caritas—discerning love. It asks a demanding question: What does love require of me here and now?

Sometimes love requires us to speak; sometimes to listen. Sometimes we need to correct someone; at other times, we discover that we ourselves need correction. Love must discern not only what to say, but also when and how to say it.

The first reading gives us the image of Ezekiel as the watchman of Israel. A watchman must sometimes disturb the peace in order to protect the people. He has a prime responsibility to warn.

This is where Ezekiel meets the Gospel: the watchman must warn, but Jesus teaches the watchman how to warn without battling it out—go first to your brother or sister, speak personally, and seek to win them back. Truth tells us that we must sometimes speak; discerning love teaches us how.

Finally, peace is more than reaching a settlement; biblical peace is shalom.

Sometimes a conflict is technically resolved. An apology has been made. An agreement has been reached. Everyone has decided to move on. And yet something in the relationship remains wounded. The issue may be settled without the relationship being healed.

The biblical word shalom points to something deeper. It means wholeness, well-being, and the restoration of relationships. It is not satisfied merely with deciding who was right or finding a compromise. Shalom asks: Can what has been broken become whole again?

Perhaps this is why Jesus ends today’s Gospel: “Where two or three are gathered together in my name, there am I in the midst of them.”

Notice the movement. The Gospel begins with two people separated by an offense and ends with two or three gathered around Christ. Something more has happened than the resolution of a disagreement. Relationship has become communion.

That is shalom. We do not simply settle the issue and walk away. We allow truth, listening, forgiveness, and love to restore what has been wounded through the help of "agents of reconciliation".

So perhaps these are the three graces we ask for today: the courage to enter conflict for the sake of communion, the discerning love to know when and how to speak, and the grace to seek not merely settlement but shalom.

Lord, give us the courage to speak, the love to listen, and the grace to seek your shalom, which makes wounded relationships whole again. Amen. Fr JM Manzano SJ